Best Funny Quotes

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”

“Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.”

“If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.”

“I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.”

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.”

“What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”